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i've got soul but i'm not a soldier...
Current Month
May. 1st, 2010 @ 08:00 pm Graduation in 1 week.

am I doing

with my life?
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Apr. 8th, 2010 @ 09:46 am really?

I want my tonsils out. Gone. No more. RUINING MY LIFE.

End dramatic pout.
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Mar. 28th, 2010 @ 06:14 pm (no subject)

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Mar. 23rd, 2010 @ 12:30 am gahh
I hope this doesn't turn out to be a bad idea, to assert myself.

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Mar. 9th, 2010 @ 05:03 pm thanks for making me feel like shit, again.
I think I'm kidding myself if I think I can handle law school. Or even get into a good one.
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Mar. 1st, 2010 @ 12:02 am we will be victorious
I don't know why I'm still awake.

I don't know why I wasn't productive this week. I have no excuse except that I was tired. But I'm always tired, and because I didn't get enough work done, this week is going to be even longer than it needs to be. Which isn't a great idea.

I'm going home for spring break though, hopefully that will be nice. I'm glad I'll get to spend time with my family at least. Even if it is weird without Grandma.

I wish I had more motivation. I wish I were stronger when it came to doing things for myself. Even things I know I should be doing. Like doing my homework, studying, working out so I don't feel so fat all the time.

I'm trying to be more positive, thats something for lent, but I'm having a real hard time. I just get in these funks sometimes and don't know how to get myself out of them.

I don't get myself.

And how the hell will i find a job, an apartment, what if I end up someplace I don't want to be? Or someplace by myself? I need money. I need to find these things but it doesn't look good.
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Oct. 28th, 2009 @ 12:22 am ugh
I feel like I'm doing a terrible job.
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Oct. 6th, 2009 @ 11:21 pm I miss my niece. And my puppies.
Sometimes, there is just so much going on, and so much I'm thinking about, that I can't honestly do it all at once. I can't even think about it at once. I want to be in bed now. Even though I might not be able to fall asleep right away anyway. I also still have to write that damn world music paper. Which really wouldn't take that long. But I really don't give a shit about it or that class. I might skip. I have an appointment at 9 am anyway that I might not want to sit through class after. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it. Maybe I will just take a mental health hour. I have a lab and test later too. Screw it. Mental health 45 minutes for Cassie. I'm going to do something for myself for once. I forget to do that all the time.

I think I'm just losing me. I don't really fell all myself all the time anymore. I don't have the control over anything. There is so much more I want to be getting done and doing. There is so much more I could be happier about. But I can't really control that either, nothing is there. It's too up and down. More up and down more frequently than I can handle anymore. It just doesn't feel right. Kind of lost. Kind of on the way, but there isn't a how.

I feel gone. I feel dumb.

I think it is just time to go to bed. I keep thinking I should just go to that stupid world music class. I'm pathetic.

Skipping class. Done. Going to bed. Do it. Now.
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Sep. 9th, 2009 @ 12:25 am (no subject)
Sometimes, I hate tau beta sigma.

And that is just how it is.
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Aug. 29th, 2009 @ 03:16 pm really??
What the fuck.

Seriously. It isn't fair. Not at all. I'm so sick of being hurt. So, so, sick of it I can't even tell you.

I don't know what to do. I'm not writing this for pity, I'm writing it because I don't know what else to do.

This has been a rather terrible week. Last night was the worst, and just the icing on a terrible cake I suppose.

It's not a question of forgiveness either. It's a question of trust. Like I didn't already have enough trust issues.

I don't want to make the wrong choice. Not that there is a right or wrong one. But I think there would be in the long run.
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